When I lost my mother my fortress fell down, exposed to the world's elements unable to protect myself from both the negatives and positives that life might grant me. The overbearing helicopter mother had left the world and I wasn't sure who would hover and affirm my decisions. This is a quality I use to despise about her, that I was a puppet in her fingertips. Until I lost her, who was going to tell me I made a mistake and fix it for me? Secluded on a ferry boat sent off to sea, unsure if I was going to continue to float or be swallowed by a tidal wave. Was I alone?
For many months I searched for my mother in every person I met, I thought she was the sun as it kissed the horizon, or the rainbow after a storm. These of course were stories I told myself to get by, to make do with the hole in my heart.
One day I felt this urge of comfort rush through my body like I was being cleansed by a wave. You know those moments when you feel like you are being watched, I was experiencing one of those moments. A being was lingering nearby, tucked away out of sight, but close enough to induce me with its protection potion. At this moment in time I was golfing with some loved ones, we were teeing off as the sun was kissing our faces and butterflies were flapping around me. I got teary eyed as I felt my mothers presence for the first time since I lost her. My father tees off and down the fairway about 60 yards I see a Great Blue Heron, perfectly perched on the edge of the pond. Were those the eyes I felt on me? Is that... could that be... mom? I couldn't help but believe that it was her, watching me move on in life and her reminding me she is always a few steps ahead of me.
A month later I was greeted by another Great Blue Heron. Coincidence? I don't believe in those. When I met the second Blue Heron I was four hours North at my cottage, my boat was drifting with the current as I attempted to fetch the biggest catch of the night. I had this sudden urge that I was being watched, my head snaps to the left, scouring the land for a bystander only to find it vacant. My head snaps to the right, searching high and low into the deep forest, and there she was, camouflaged amongst the foliage. As my gaze locked on her my brother's line tenses, were blessed with the largest catch of the night. Our boat drifts around the bend and we lose sight of her, she rushes past us and instantly is out of sight into the distance.
The Great Blue Heron always appeared when I needed her but never when I was searching for her. While playing rounds of golf I'd spend my time hunting her down on the cusps of the ponds, why didn't you show this time mom?
Sometimes I'd doubt myself... maybe it wasn't her after all, it was stupid to believe anyways.
Just as I was ready to give up on believing my mother was visiting I noticed something, it has been right in front of me this whole time. The bird statue that has been sitting in my front foyer for years, how did I never notice this? I stepped back in awe, is that a heron? Did she manifest a heron because there's always been one protecting our house?
I believe myself to be someone who is spiritual, I believe there is something greater than us that we may never understand but can intermingle with. With that in mind I knew my new bird friends were a sign so I researched the intricacy of Great Blue Herons. It turns out that Great Blue Herons are messages of self-determination and self-resiliency. Not only do they represent the ability to progress and move forward but evolve over time. They're long lanky legs represent the idea of individuals not needing grand pillars to remain stable, that as long as you can stand on your own you will prosper.
Wow...let me pick my jaw up off the floor. The message I continually preach about self-resiliency was being shadowed by my mother, becoming an omen of self amendment and perseverance. She has become this reminder to trudge forward and flourish into the woman she hoped I would become.
Its hard to explain a connection you get to something thats arbitrary in your mind. Personifying my mom into a bird is something I never envisioned, until now.
See you soon mom...