A day doesn't pass without a memory of you,
Some be somber, most are blue.
When the sun appears, it's a new day,
But it ends the same way.
I call you up, ask you how you've been.
A one way conversation with no end.
Just a screen and myself,
No voice left to spread.
I try to think of what you might say,
Call yourself the angel of death,
Tell me that I am wandering astray.
I'd ask you to take one more breath,
Say that was never the plan,
God only provided a small lifespan.
Your remembrance is on the horizon,
Weighing options to fight, flight or freeze.
This year I take flight.
Making memories where trauma lays.
Marking three years the same way,
Hand-in-hand with alcohol and fear.
I've become dependent on substance,
Numbing the memories that once laid.
I write to forget, not to remember,
Pen to paper, whirling a life I never knew.
Attempt to erase what happened,
Remembering is nothing new.
I harbour the maker of your demise,
Trading a bandage for a badge,
Both heroes in disguise.