March 27th 2022
I was sitting on the train this weekend and a pressing metaphor came to my mind, our lives are a lot like riding a train.
Think about this for a second...
People board our train and we take them from Point A to Point B. Sometimes we don't understand the destination or their departure, but there always lays a lesson in why they boarded your train. The lesson lays in what we learn from one another. Some of us are advice givers and others are advice seekers. We teach each other something new about ourselves, about life, and about our destination in life.
When we reach our destination there are two types of departures: subtle and total derailment.
The subtle departure is when someone steps off our train and connects to a new platform, they exit into the abyss. There wasn't an event that transpired for them to exit, but simply that phase of your life has come to an end. The lesson you learnt from them has been reached and there was no real good-bye or need for such.
A total derailment is the departure that sends you off the tracks and it takes a whole new journey to realign your train. You leave the platform with a scar of the event that reminds you of some of the hardest goodbyes you faced. The lesson you learnt in this instance is a hard pill to swallow and you may never understand why they derailed your train car. But with time you will understand. There is always some hidden truth in these events.
The funny thing about the passengers on this train we call life is that they re-board our train months, or even years later. You bond over shared connections and they linger in this space of your life that has held a void since they departed. They remind you of past versions of yourself and the person you were when they were in your life. This may cause you to change course for some time, but for good reason. They light a fire inside of you that you hadn't felt since you spoke last. Chase this feeling.
Other times you may come head on with someone who once derailed you. What will you do? You've probably cultivated some mischievous plan to derail their life, than realized no good comes from that. I would believe you have grown since that last tragedy and you have amended your scar or in the process of doing so. Those that choose to appreciate the hard times in life are better off in the long run than those who harbour resentment and vendettas.
This further led me to spiral into the wormhole of my journey.
I often think about the characters I play in those lives around me, the trains I've boarded and departed with both subtle goodbyes and total derailment.
Some narratives I take on to those around me:
Sometimes I wear a uniform and play a hero.
Other times I'm masked as a villain.
I am a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a niece, a friend. Someone who takes on roles outside these realms as well.
I am a handyman, in more ways than one. Repairing emotional scars you bare and the broken chair leg you have no idea how to fix. Providing"free therapy" as my dad says to me after hour long conversations we have on hard days.
I am a caregiver - continually serving those I love.
To those I am a villain, for putting myself first. I am a person who has boarded your train and hurt you by leaving for betterment of myself. Maybe you see that now, maybe you never will, but never forget the lessons you learnt along the way. Maybe the hurt I caused you enabled you to grow, in my eyes that is truly a win. Drop the resentment and make peace with the goodbye.
I am an achluphobia - Google it, it might surprise you.
I am a botanist, a garden grows in my living room and I know you have one too, we bond over it.
I am a creator - a wizard of words and a student of music. Both are communities I have danced through and touched lives of other creators with our journeys.
I am a motherless daughter, a life was lost only for me to find mine and connect with those alike. Too many are gone too young for us to connect, but it is a community I am thankful we can lean on.
My friends would call me a fitness freak, and I know I've boarded your train to teach or guide you in that journey.
I implore you to think about your train, what passengers have you served? What lessons did they teach you? Can you recall that derailment verbatim, or was it subtle?
Who am I in your journey? When did I board your train and how did I depart?
From Plan A to Plan B-ee, if you're reading this it means you've boarded my train at some point, maybe there was a goodbye, maybe there hasn't been one yet. If it was subtle or if it was a derailment I challenge you to board my train someday soon - let's light a fire around that void and dive back in to where we left off.
xox Love, Bee